Hey Sweetie,
It's coming up on that big day and your dad is having a real hard time as is the rest of us. I dont know if it is ever going to get any better or even easier, I am trying to be strong for your dad, dennis, Josh and Paets but sometimes I just want to scream. I cant understand why everyone can dream about you and I try so hard to see you and I cant. Here it is 2:00 a.m. and I am waiting (hopeing) for you to walk in the door and say sorry mom I didnt mean to worry you and I know I am grounded. Man do I miss those words. Guess what you are going to be an aunt again Josh and Michelle are going to have another baby in May (cant wait) Jamis is getting so big he just turned one and we had a little party for him. We all went out to the property and picked pumkins for the kids. What a mess it was so muddy but fun.
Your little girl is getting so big and looking more and more like you.GodQynnie you shshould be here she misses you so much. Look over her and your dad and Dennis they are having a real hard time as well as me and you brother.
There are times when I just want to crowl in a whole and die because I want the
pain to stop, then I see that beautiful face staring at me. I wish I could say some magic words to help you dad but there isnt any. I am even going hunting this year
can you believe that (scary) Everyone has been great trying to help your dad and I
and I thank them fror that. Its funny something like this you find out who your True
friends are and are not. I told someone that I wanted to get rid of the xmas tree and get a smaller one and you dad said WE ARE NOT GETTING RID OF THAT TREE
because you loved it so much. So thanks now I have to put it up myself again could
really use your help. That was always our thing along with getting things ready for
Thanksgiving. Michelle helps alot but it something we did. Went and spent the weekend with Josh and Michelle last week they have a nice place Josh really loves his job.
Well honey I have to cut this short your daughter is calling me. By the way your grandpa got his wish she calls me Grandmaweenie now. and I love it.
Lots of hugs and kiss Missing you so very much. I dont think that my heart can take it. Here is me kissing and hugging you.
Mom
Lighting a candle just isn't big enough! Sorry I haven't been here for a while, sometimes its just easier to distance myself from everything and everyone. I think about you so much that I think I'm driving myself CRAZY, yeah I can get crazier!!!!!! Imagine that!! I spend about half of my day figuring out that this really isn't a really, really bad dream and were all going to wake up soon and your going to be here, then I spend the other half of the day realizing that this really did happen and the only places we see you now is our imaginations and dreams, hey I'll take what I can get, even though it's not even close to having you present, but something is better than nothing, right? I get so excited when I dream about you, it makes me feel like I really saw you and got to spend time with you, it makes the next day go by a little easier.
I can't even believe it's almost been a yr. the boys and I try to talk about you daily, I think it helps them, they miss you so much, their tough little boys, and they try to be strong for me but I hear them crying at night and they try to be quite but I sit on the floor @ the end of the hall way and I can usually hear one or the other saying your name and telling you goodnight and they miss and love you.
Dusty thinks when the moon come's out once a month that it's you coming to visit. You were such a big part of their lives, you did soooo much for us and I am sooo thankful for that, I'm thankful that I got to know you as much as I did you're my idol Qynnie, you have no idea.
I also am thankful for the gift you've just sent me (I know you had something to do w/that!!!!) That's why I know for a fact you can hear me when I talk out loud to you!!! Your a beautiful angel sweetie, thanks for all of your help lately. I love and MISS you SOOOOOO much. I know you're probably stretched a little thin up there, but can you find a little room under your pink wings for the boys, I think they may need a little extra love lately. love always, jellen
Qynn,
I can barley stomach the fact that its almost a year. Heck I still cant even acknowledge the fact that your gone...this is the hardest thing to deal with, and I cant get over it. I miss you so bad, and still cry just as hard. Everyone tells me give it time, but I dont think time will ever make this better. I would give anything just to see you again, just to be stupid together, and just to laugh about things. Some of my best memories I have are with you. Like at the old school in bergland for my birthday party (haha). I still laugh at how BAD we are with directions...I mean who gets lost in ironwood!!! lol Sometimes we would get so into talking, we wouldnt even remember if we turned at the right spot or not. My sister would be giving us directions and gettin frustrated with us cause we had no clue what she was talking about. We even got a map that one time, but that didnt even help us. I havent seen paets in such a long time....I bet she is just like you Qynnie. I can only imagine!! I really hope you know how much you are missed by everyone!! and by everyone i mean EVERYONE...you touched so many people, and left so many good memories. You are a wonderful person, that no one will ever forget! I love you so much, and I will always keep you close to my heart!!
I cant beleive its been almost a year.. I know we werent on the best terms anymore, i wish i would have gotten a chance to say sorry..:( I still cant listen to the Foo Fighters, everytime they come on the radio i have to turn it off. I hope you know how much everyone misses you, and the impact you had on so many peoples lives. Maybe ill run into you one of these days, and we can laugh about old times. Until then though, miss ya Qynn
